


On the Cusp of Trying to Kiss You

by realchemistry



Category: Captain America (Movies) RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Sebastian Stan, Hand Jobs, M/M, POV Chris Evans, Top Chris Evans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:17:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7207523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realchemistry/pseuds/realchemistry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Full lips, that’s the first thing that Chris noticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2008

_**2008** _

It was one of those nights.

Chris was tired, wishing he’d stayed home instead of at some LA party for a product (or a person?) he didn’t care about. But he _had_ to be there, be photographed, network, and so he was. Unhappily so.

Unhappy until, as Chris was getting some liquid courage to prepare for yet another socializing round, he saw _him_. Full lips, that’s the first thing that Chris noticed. Then came the big, expressive eyes. And only then the ass, which was usually first on the list, but came on third because of a fluke or something. It was a good ass, that was all that mattered.

Maybe it wouldn’t be a total waste of a night after all.

Chris grabbed his beer and walked over to where the kid was standing.

“Hi, I’m Chris,” he started with, most definitely not a winner, but effective enough to get the guy’s attention, and the faster he got through this bit, the sooner he’d get to the good part.

“Yeah, hi.”  


Well, there you have it. Just two words, but that was a damn nice voice, which only confirmed, on top of experiencing those lips from up-close, that this guy was the whole package. Chris couldn’t wait to get to the good part, but first things first.

“Your name’s…?”

“Sebastian. Seb.” 

_Seb_ actually blushed while Chris shook his hand with a, “Nice to meet you.”

“Wanna get outta here?”  


“Oh.”

Chris thought he had been obvious enough, ogling and making that handshake as sexy as a handshake can be... Or at least he’d _tried_ to make it sexy, all soft and lingering. He should do some research on it cause Seb only looked confused.

“I’m with… someone.”

Not confused, not surprised, just taken. Or maybe uninterested and trying to be polite about it.

Either way, Chris could deal with rejection. He had in the past, he would again in the future, surely. The problem was that Sebastian was hot enough to make up for the whole night (and several other crappy days, if we’re being honest), but no such luck, Chris would be spending the night all alone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize... Good night.”

Experience at being rejected had granted Chris no smoothness whatsoever when it came to making a quick exit. He might have even waved at Sebastian before turning around and leaving

The driver was waiting for him on the parking lot, the hotel was close enough, and Chris’s mind was in serious need of rest, all of which luckily meant that Chris only thought about those sinful lips (and the waving!) for a very little while before sleep took over.

Morning time, well... that was a different story.


	2. 2010

**_2010_ **

It was one of those days.

Chris said yes, signed his name above the dotted line, and there was officially no turning back. Six movies could be demanded of him, and Chris wasn’t sure what was scarier: everything going well and actually having to go through with the entirety of his contract, or everyone hating his take on Captain America and being fired and replaced.

Chris decided he had to face his fears and deal with the outcome, so it was time to leave those worries behind and pay attention to his newest concern: his costume fitting. The outfit wasn’t flattering on the comic book pages, but Kevin had promised it wouldn’t be _that_ bad, which wasn’t all that comforting. Chris wasn’t sure what he’d find on the other side of the costume department door, but he was late enough, so he might as well go in and get it over with.

A half-naked guy was not at all what he had in mind. As welcoming a sight as it was, maybe Chris should’ve knocked.

Everything after happened as if in slow motion, and all at once. A woman introduced herself and welcomed him as the guy turned around to presumably look at whomever had come in, his moving got him scolded by a man who was trying to take measures, and Chris had no time to process any of it because he was being ushered away from that area.

One thing was clear, though, the half-naked guy was Sebastian.

Chris figured it had been at least two years ago, but it felt like yesterday. He didn’t tend to dwell on one night stands gone right, and Sebastian didn’t even qualify as a one night stand gone wrong—he’d been an attempt at it, a failed one at that. A really hot, really nice to look at failed one night stand. Which was probably why he was so memorable. That, and the lips. And now Seb was here, and his presence could only mean that he was in the movie, and Chris was not listening to a word the woman was saying because _fuck_ , _fuck_ , and _fuck_. There was no way he wouldn’t be interacting with Chris at some point because Chris was Captain America. 

Suddenly, the woman he’d been ignoring all this time was handing him a glass of something. He drank it and thanked her. Didn’t contradict her supposition that it was low sugar, or high sugar, or something of the sort that had put him in that state. He then actually tried to focus on what she was saying, let her take his measures, nodded when appropriate, moved when told, and learned that her name was Jennifer. By the time he got to leave her work station, Sebastian was gone.

Chris was waiting for the elevator when he heard steps, followed by Louis calling his name. He wasn’t alone, because of course he wasn’t.

“Chris, I think you haven’t met yet, this is Sebastian.”

“We met, sorta. Hi.” Sebastian said, and fuck, damn it! He was still gorgeous _and_ he remembered Chris. 

Sebastian _was_ going to be sharing a screen with Chris. Unbe-fucking-lievable.

“You know each other? Good! That’s good. I gotta go, but see you both next week.”

And with a smile, Louis left Chris alone. Alone with Sebastian. The kid— _man_ Chris failed at seducing. 

“This is awkward, huh? Let me just, I wanna apologize. About that time at the party. I was an idiot, I didn’t realize—well, maybe you don’t remember, but I hope you can forget that ever happened if you do. And earlier too, when I came in and you weren’t—you had no shirt on.” English failed him so badly, Chris wanted to jump down the elevator shaft.

“I—Sure, yeah, let’s start over. I’m Sebastian, I play Bucky.”

“You’re Bucky?” 

The world was awful. Not only was Sebastian going to be sharing pretty much every single one of his scenes with Chris, he’d also be playing Steve’s best friend in the world. 

“Yep, that’s me. We should get in?” and Sebastian pointed at the recently arrived elevator.

“Sure, after you.” 

Chris wasn’t being polite to stare at Seb’s ass, he was just being polite to be polite. Same reason why he pressed the button to the parking lot, kept his mouth shut all the way down, and let Sebastian exit first.

Sebastian was starting to walk away, but he stopped, turned around looking all shy, and just said, “I’ll see you.”

And Chris wanted so badly to close the distance between them and taste those lips, but before he could even say goodbye (or actually do something stupid, like waving or worse), Sebastian turned around, walked to his car and drove away.

Chris stood still on the spot until the car was out of sight. Chris was sure his acting wasn’t going to be in any way affected by how unable he was to take his eyes away from Sebastian.


	3. 2011

**_2011_ **

It was one of those years.

Chris thought he could start over with Sebastian. And Chris really tried, the whole previous year during filming and this year at the press tour, but he came to the undeniable conclusion that lusting after Sebastian was the one thing he excelled at.

He did it during filming. The script demanded some drama, some looks, some touches between Steve and Bucky, and Chris felt tingly throughout but he thought he did a good job at all of it. When he watched the first cut, he realized he hadn’t been able to do _any_ of it without telegraphing where his mind was actually at. Chris couldn’t believe Marvel had used _those_ takes, and the idea that those had been picked because the rest of them were even worse haunted him at night. But maybe Chris noticed it because he could tell the difference between his regular-self and his lust-filled-self. No one else was going to see through Chris’s eye-fucking because Steve and Bucky were best friends, it was the perfect cover.

He did it _after_ after parties. He had someone all wrapped around him, they were about to leave, and she was doing a great job at getting Chris all worked up. As soon as he noticed Sebastian, though, everything else faded away. They hugged, just to say goodbye. If Chris was a bit more affectionate than the occasion would merit, if his first impulse was to plant one on him, which turned into an awkward kiss on the cheek, well, there was no proof of it.

He did it during the press tour. He couldn’t help himself, honesty sometimes made an appearance in a day full of inane interviews. So when asked about how hot his co-star was, Chris thought of Sebastian. And said as much. But he went over it a lot afterwards, and concluded it wasn’t a big deal. First, it was the honest truth, and second, it had totally played like he’d been kidding. Chris figured it would slip under the radar because nobody was going to dwell on a joke.

Yes, Chris was failing at subtlety. Time to focus on _The_ _Avengers_ instead. A completely different beast, though sharing the pressure was an improvement, and the camaraderie was reassuring. He was supposed to be hanging out with them—after all, he’d been the one to message everyone to “assemble”—but his mind was thinking over what Kevin had said about the next movie being _The_ _Winter_ _Soldier_. 

Chris _knew_ now that he’d be doing at least one more movie with Sebastian, and that brought about mixed feelings. On the one hand, he was glad, the execs loved Sebastian, not that Chris could blame them, and Chris wanted to see more of Steve and Bucky, which had nothing to do with wanting to work with Sebastian. On the other hand, he wanted Sebastian. He really did. _Still_.

Chris was fucked.

“What’s up?”

“The sky,” Chris tried to smile, as Scarlett took the seat across from him.

“You, of all people, know that’s not scientifically right. But… what’s up down here?” she said, raising her eyebrow to let him know she was serious if he wanted her to be.

“Just… you know.”

“Overthinking? Making a big deal out of nothing?” she guessed.

“Probably.”

“What about?”

Chris must have made a face because she rephrased, “ _Who_ about?”

“It’s nothing. _Really_.” Chris tried to put on a convincing face to go along with his words, but he could tell Scarlett wasn’t buying it. For an actor, he was kinda terrible at it sometimes.

“How about you stop and join us instead. There _will_ be dancing.”

She knew how to get him out of his head.

Alcohol, funnily enough, had a similar effect. Which explained why, as soon as he was alone back in his hotel room, exhausted from dancing and drunk from drinking, he Googled Sebastian.

The internet was so good. _So_ good.

Wait. Sebastian was kissing a guy. _Not_ Chris. On his screen. On a movie. Or TV?

Google was awful. Beer was useless. 

Chris pushed his computer away until it fell off the bed, and tried to sleep.


	4. 2013

**_2013_ **

Chris was in too deep. He was in hell. A type of, at least. It included, but was not limited to still finding his co-star attractive and having to spend time with him on- _and_ off-set.

Filming was going as well as it could, taking into consideration Chris’s ongoing attraction and lack of subtlety. 

And it was hard—no pun intended—to pretend Chris was unaffected, especially when Sebastian’s hair was longer, and he kept pushing it behind his ears to no avail, hair inevitably framing his face just so. Chris wanted to touch it but he couldn’t, there was simply no viable excuse. He couldn’t complain about the mask covering Seb’s face either, even though the loss of that jaw was a disservice to everyone on set. He also had to keep thoughts of hot metal arms and unfairly cool struts to himself. The worst, as per usual, was the lips situation. Chris had had a thing for Seb’s lips from the get-go, but they looked more cherry-colored than ever. He felt he was giving himself away each time they spoke, his eyes zeroed in on Seb’s lips without fail, and it really was beyond his control. At least nobody had ever mentioned anything about it.

Comic-Con meant a small break from some of that, which Chris welcomed, and it was going great. Seb hadn’t been there before, and he looked positively amazed at everything going on around him. He also looked a bit nervous, so Chris tried to be supportive, patting him on the back before the panel and making him laugh as much as possible during signings. Like any good friend would.

Filming wasn’t over, though, so San Diego, and greatness, couldn’t last long. 

On the plane back, before take-off, Chris took the seat beside Sebastian to ask about how he’d felt, knowing first-hand how overwhelming those events could be. Seb said he’d had fun, and then he kept on saying things, but Chris couldn’t focus on the words any longer. His attention was on Seb’s mouth, the way his lips moved, the way they were full and red and kissable. Those were not friendly thoughts, but Chris couldn’t stop them. He couldn’t stop _himself_. He was leaning in, as if a magnet were pulling him over the armrest and towards Sebastian, and then… Then his brain somehow picked up on Sebastian saying the word “girlfriend” and reality came crashing down. Sebastian seemed unaffected by the whole thing, so Chris sat back as inconspicuously as he could manage, and waited for Seb to stop talking. When he did, Chris told him he was glad, hoping it’d fit whatever Sebastian had been saying, and made his way back to his assigned seat by Scarlett’s side.

“What’s that about?” she asked, not quite whispering.

He tried to sound nonchalant as he said, “Just making sure he was fine after all that attention.”

“That all?” 

That reply let Chris know that, even if she wasn’t convinced, Scarlett had definitely missed the leaning in fiasco. She would’ve brought it up otherwise. Without it, she had nothing to go on. Chris was safe.

“Yeah,” Chris said, and he put his earphones on, effectively ending the conversation.

Chris wasn’t about to confess that he had a— _a thing_ for his co-star. His co-star who was in a relationship. Hell, Chris himself was sorta back with his girlfriend. He should just try harder to forget that night, five years ago, ever happened.

The only problem was that Chris was stupid enough to be honest with himself, so he knew that this thing had been going on for far too long to blame it on that one night: Chris didn’t just want to have his way with the one-night-stand that never was, he actually had feelings for Sebastian.


	5. 2014

Chris had, in the past, referred to Sebastian as “the sweetest kid on the planet.” It’s no surprise that, when asked to say a few words about his co-star, he repeated a version of that. If only he’d stopped there…

“I wish you guys could know Sebastian.” _Who_ says that? An idiot with a crush. That’s who.

As if Chris hadn’t been obvious enough in London! They’d seen each other a few days before that, there was no excuse for him to act so damn fond: getting all lovey-dovey at the mere sight of Sebastian, embracing him like he was holding the most precious thing in the world (which, maybe, deep down, he felt he was—and Chris knew that train of thought was trouble, thank you very much), being amused at Seb’s laughter... 

So Chris had been relieved when he found out that Seb wouldn’t go to China. Joke’s on him: turned out Sebastian didn’t need to be around for Chris to gush like a lovesick puppy and generally act like a meatball.

But Sebastian was to blame. He’d actually, somehow, managed to get hotter. Or maybe it’s just that Chris got to know him even better. Sebastian was snarky but shy, and cute but sexy, bashful but confident. He had the looks _and_ the personality. Sebastian was doing nothing to help Chris get over his crush. Yes, Chris had decided to call his attraction and feelings towards Sebastian “a crush.” As in high school, but on his 30s. He’d hijacked Seb’s question at the press conference, for fuck’s sake, which was basically trying to get someone’s attention-slash-flirt with someone in Hollywood language.

Not that all of Chris’s obviousness and pseudo-flirting were making a difference: Sebastian wasn’t even a little affected, no matter how much trouble Chris had focusing on anything other than Sebastian’s face, or _not_ touching Seb’s chest when the opportunity presented itself. It was as if, as Chris had asked, Seb had really forgotten all that happened when they first met. _Both_ first times they met.

Chris concluded, once he was back in Boston, that sexual frustration was a real thing. He’d seen Sebastian exactly two days ago in New York, and he already felt like he was having withdrawals. Seb had been _so_ excited ringing the bell, though, you couldn’t really blame Chris for it.

It was late at night, and Chris was all alone unable to sleep when he started entertaining the idea that maybe he should do something. He should just call Sebastian.

“Chris?”

One moment he’s _thinking_ he should call Sebastian, the next he’d already done it. He should add “lack of impulse control” to the crushing-on-someone side-effects list. Having a few rounds with friends after dinner probably hadn’t helped either.

Seb’s voice was soft, and Chris’s brain was pretty sure that meant that Seb had been asleep.

“I’m sorry for the time, I just really need to know if you—Do you remember?”

“What?” Seb sounded more alert now.

“You know.”

“I don’t—.”

“Yes, you _do_.”

In a whisper, Sebastian said, “ _Yes_. I remember.”

Chris didn’t know how to react to that, so he did what any drunk and-slash-or teenager in his place would have done: he hung up.

When Chris next opened his eyes, he was blinded by the light coming through the window. He turned away from it, and found his cellphone right next to his head on the pillow. _Oh_. _Fuck_. Chris wished more than anything in the world that it had all been a dream. A horrible, terrible, humiliating nightmare. But his head was splitting, and his phone confirmed that he _had_ called Sebastian last night.

Chris should take a bath. See if the tub was deep enough to drown.


	6. 2015

**_2015_ **

It was the first week back, and Chris was freaking out. He hadn’t talked to Sebastian at all since that drunken night, he’d figured avoiding the whole thing was best, but now he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t remember what happened.

Chris arrived at the gym where they’d be working, and greeted some of the team already there. Only a moment later, Chris heard Mackie’s laughter, and both Anthony and Sebastian walked in. Chris should’ve gone to greet them, amused that Mackie’s laughter was like a cow’s bell and relieved that he wouldn’t have to face Seb one-on-one, but he was too busy staring at Seb’s bigness. He looked huge, he’d obviously been working out _a lot_ , and it sure suited him. Chris doubted there was anything in this world that did _not_ suit Sebastian, though.

As soon as Mackie saw him, he hurried towards him while yelling, “Evans! What’s up?”

Chris hadn’t seen Mackie in a long while, and it was always nice to have him around, but it was particularly appreciated today. 

Chris gave Anthony a hug, and said jokingly (not really), “Better now, you?” and let him go.

“I can’t wait to kick some Iron Man ass!” smiled Mackie.

Seb finally got to them, having stopped to greet some of the stunt team, and Chris couldn’t help himself, he just reached forward and wrapped Sebastian in his arms.

“You look huge.” Chris couldn’t keep his mouth shut either.

“Thanks?” Seb replied, hesitantly.

“Yeah, it’s good. You look good.” Chris still had his arms around Seb’s waist even though Sebastian had let _him_ go.

“Woah, okay, I better go get changed,” Mackie said, and left to the locker room.

Chris let Sebastian go, only to find himself unable to look away from him, those red lips were as inviting and tempting as ever. Sebastian was staring back, though, as if waiting for Chris to say something. 

Chris thought he might as well start, so he did, “I’m sorry about that call. It’s embarrassing. I was drunk, _really_ drunk, and—.”

“Don’t—Let’s just forget it?” Sebastian was looking at him with his eyes all huge, and Chris wouldn’t have been able to refuse him even if he’d wanted to.

“Sure, yeah.”

“Are you _still_ standing there, seriously? Ugh, it’s gonna be a long year,” Mackie complained.

He was back, sweatpants on, ready to start learning the moves, which got Chris confused: how much time had he spent hugging and staring at Sebastian? It was going to be a long year indeed.

After that initial awkwardness, Chris managed to reach a kind of normal with Sebastian. Chris wanted to honor Sebastian’s request, even if he couldn’t really forget about it or why it’d happened in the first place; if Seb didn’t want to talk about it, then Chris would, for once in his life, keep his mouth shut.

It helped that they had plenty of stunts to work on. Chris couldn’t really focus on how nice Sebastian looked with a bit of stubble if he was counting steps inside his head while trying to convey heroism with his eyebrows, much less bring up his years-long crush.

Seb was particularly stoked at the first scene they did because the whole sequence was done in one shot, and he loved that. He also seemed excited about meeting and working with the rest of the cast, but not out of _not_ wanting to work with Chris—it reminded Chris about the way Seb’s eyes had shined so bright when Chris’d asked him about working with Redford. Sebastian’s puppy eyes as he told him about asking Robert anything he could think of and getting an honest answer in return were a sight to behold. Yes, Chris was fucked and he was aware of it too.

This time around, though, Seb seemed less star struck whenever somebody new would show up. Maybe it was because Mackie helped ease the tension with his humor, or maybe because no one could beat Robert Redford in Seb’s eyes, but he even got along with Downey pretty fast. Chris was not jealous. He wasn’t thinking about how much more time alone with Seb he could’ve had if there were less Avengers around. He also wasn’t overanalyzing how relaxed and touchy Sebastian acted around everyone else but him.

At least the shooting was taking place in different countries, which meant spending more time together, if not necessarily alone. A group of them were out for drinks in Germany, and Sebastian was wearing sweatpants and a shirt with a hole, and Chris couldn’t take his eyes off him.

Mackie sat on the stool next to Chris’s, and asked, “Are you fucking the kid?”

“What? No. _No_! _What_?” Chris was certain he’d had a stroke just then.

Mackie had his eyebrows up and his eyes squinted, the kind of over-the-top suspicion only he could pull, and he went on, “Do you _wanna_ fuck him, though? Cause you look like you want some Romanian.”

Chris shushed him, and then _tried_ to sound convincing as he said, “No! No, I _don’t_ want—wait, are you drunk? Is that it? How much did you drink?”

“Not enough,” Mackie let out, and immediately signaled the bartender for another round.

Chris got a break from being sexually frustrated by Sebastian in the form of attending Comic Con, promoting _Ultron_ , and going to D23 with Mackie. Yeah, he got no break from Mackie, who wasn’t letting go the whole Chris-wants-some-Romanian thing. Chris was not helping matters by waxing poetic about how “phenomenal” Sebastian was, and referring to Bucky as Steve’s “little nugget.” And _that_ was a thing now, people were asking more and more about Steve and Bucky’s relationship, and Chris couldn’t help but feel that it was his crush on Sebastian that people were reading into. If it was showing to the point that not only Mackie could see it but so could complete strangers while Chris was playing a part, then perhaps it was time for Chris to do something about it. _What_ to do, though, that was the question.

Different TV crews came to set for interviews, and it went _mostly_ fine. It would’ve been _totally_ fine if it‘d been anyone _but_ Sebastian sitting beside Chris for this one particular interview. But Seb _was_ there, and Chris talked about having food poisoning, which Seb was surely going to be charmed by, and not ruining the superhero façade by doing some horrible thing in his private life, which prompted him to look at Sebastian like an obvious meatball.

Evidently, trying to be more subtle was out of the question because Chris couldn’t manage that. At all. He couldn’t get over his feelings for Sebastian either, as proven by the fact that he’d failed at it for so long that he’d actually accepted that there were feelings involved. The only other choice was telling Sebastian the truth and let rejection do its thing, but they had a movie to finish, so Chris couldn’t do that either.

When Sebastian left to promote another film, Chris couldn’t help but miss him, which automatically led Chris to do the only thing he _could_ do: pine. He was an expert at pining after Sebastian by this point, and so his mind inevitably went there while he waited for a scene to be set up. Chris started by overthinking the first day back, wondering what would have happened if he’d told Sebastian that he didn’t want to forget any of it. Then Chris recalled one of the scenes they’d filmed together, how it had felt to hold Sebastian close in that pool, how wet and shiny and red Seb’s lips had looked. Yes, Chris’s pining usually ended up with him daydreaming about finally getting to kiss those lips.

Before he could get to the good part, his phone rang. It was his manager to tell him the news: Marvel had locked the Asian leg of the tour so Chris would be going there on March. He asked, as casually as he could even though it was very high-school of him, who else would be going, and Sebastian was apparently “a sure thing.” 

Chris went back to work shortly after, but his mind kept going over the same crazy idea, so much so, that it became a plan: the movie would be done by that time, so Chris would stop pining, overthinking and daydreaming, and actually do something about his feelings then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near...


	7. 2016

**_2016_ **

Press, press and more press. That was Chris’s life. It was his least favorite part of the job, but the movie was actually something to be proud of, which made it more bearable.

The company wasn’t too shabby either. It was interesting to discover yet another side of Sebastian, who behaved like the dorkiest person in the planet with the press but acted completely at ease around fans. One moment he was on TV talking about lube helping him get inside places, and the next he was nowhere to be found on the stage in favor of spending time with the fans.

The fans were as into Sebastian as Chris himself was, but they were also strong supporters of “Stucky.” The Stucky trend was in full force, and Chris was almost relieved to know that it wasn’t a consequence of his incessant gazing at Sebastian, at least not entirely. The text supported that reading of the story, the Russos were even referring to it as a “love story,” and Chris was okay with it because Steve’s relationship with Bucky _was_ his favorite. Mackie and Downey, and even Paul, were delighted every and any time that relationship was brought up, but in a way that made Chris believe they were actually thinking of him and Sebastian instead of their characters.

In that regard, since his cast mates seemed to have figured him out, it was good that Chris had set himself a deadline; but, in reality, it only helped to make him more of a nervous mess than usual. It started before the press tour madness began, with Chris half mentioning how he liked men’s privates to be groomed, and it only got worse from there. Chris freaked out over a tiny spider crawling Seb’s leg, tried to defuse the tension only he could feel after getting rid of a hair on Seb’s face by claiming it was just “friendship,” referred to Cap’s costume as “the navy number,” behaved like a possessive weirdo, agreed to Sebastian blowing him even though it hadn’t been Seb offering, and showed an overall lack of chill whenever Sebastian was in close proximity.

They were back in New York, at the premiere after party, which meant it was the end of the deadline. Chris was determined to at least give it a shot after being a coward for a whole month, but there wasn’t much he could do at the moment except stare at Sebastian joking around with Mackie. Chris wanted to kill Mackie—or subtly signal for him to get lost, but subtlety was not Chris’s forte, so he just tapping the glass of something he had on his hand, willing Anthony to read his mind.

“You’re zoning out, man. You still jet lagged?” Mackie asked. Not a mind reader then.

Chris couldn’t help a tinge of bitterness as he said, “Not really, no.”

Mackie’s eyes got big and he went, “I am, though, so I’ll get going. You both take care, yes?” And just like that, Mackie patted both their shoulders and left.

Huh. Bitterness would get you places. 

“I should also—” Seb started, but before he could complete that Chris blurted out, “Wanna get outta here?”

Sebastian looked shocked for a moment, and then he smiled at Chris. “Yeah, we can share a cab if you want to?”

Chris wasn’t shocked that the question hadn’t come out suggestive enough, so he tried a more direct approach, “I meant get outta here and go to my hotel. Together.”

“Oh.”

Chris started to backtrack, “You know what? This was a terrible idea, and I’m sorry, _again_ , for—“

“I want to.”

“You do?”

Seb simply nodded in response, and Chris couldn’t help but look at his lips before grabbing his wrist and leading him out to the parking lot where a car was waiting for him.

Neither said a word during the ride. Chris was replaying the whole thing in his head, trying not to freak out because he didn’t think it would go this way. Ever.

They kept silent while Chris asked for his key and while they took the elevator to his floor. They got off, Chris swiped the card on the door and the light turned green; he let Sebastian go in first, and closed the door behind him. And then it was real.

They were both standing in the small hallway, and Chris should’ve invited Sebastian to come in, he should’ve offered Sebastian a drink, he should’ve told him to make himself comfortable. But his upper brain had left the building and his nether brain was in charge, so instead of being polite and considerate, Chris backed Sebastian against the wall and said, “I want to kiss you so fucking much.”

Sebastian whispered, “Yes.”

 _Then_ it got real.

Chris put an arm around Sebastian’s waist and a hand on his hair, and closed the distance between their lips. “Glorious” wasn’t enough to describe what he was feeling. Seb’s lips were fuller and softer and moved against his own much more gracefully than they ever did in his fantasies. Seb also moaned and half-whispered Chris’s name so sweetly, it was driving Chris crazy.

Chris wasn’t sure how much time they spent at it, but Seb’s lips looked redder than ever once they stopped kissing, which combined with his newly tousled hair made Sebastian look like porn-on-legs. Chris soaked in the view for a moment before placing both hands on Sebastian’s chest, and pulling the jacket of the suit off him. The black dress shirt looked good on him. Everything looked good on him. Nothing would probably look better. Chris was about to get rid of the bowtie when his brain short-circuited as Sebastian went down on his knees. He asked for permission with his eyes, and Chris couldn’t have said a word if he’d wanted to, so he just guided Sebastian’s hand to unbuckle his belt first and unbutton his pants after.

Chris had never been this hard in his life. He was sure of it. He took a condom out of his wallet before Sebastian pulled his pants and underwear down. Sebastian took the condom from him and rolled it on Chris’s cock, and Chris wondered if he was dreaming. When Sebastian put his sinful lips around the tip as he closed his eyes, pure satisfaction all across his face, that’s when Chris knew it was truly happening. Chris couldn’t help but grunt and thrust forward, but Sebastian’s response was to swallow around him and get him in deeper.

Chris let himself enjoy that for a second but then pulled Sebastian up, and immediately went back to kissing him. They finished undressing each other while they moved towards the bed; when they emerged from all the tugging, pulling and ripping, Seb was under him, naked, flushed and panting. Chris kissed him all over, told him and showed him how much he wanted him until Sebastian softly said, “please.”

Chris grabbed the lube from the bedside table, applied some of it to his fingers and started working Sebastian open. And Sebastian was tight and beautiful, squirming, moaning and rocking his hips a little as Chris’s fingers moved in him. And then Seb was ready, so Chris pushed in, slowly, bit by bit, doing his best to hold back and not come while Sebastian adjusted. Once his cock was buried all the way in, Chris pulled out a little and then started thrusting, in and out, slowly at first. Seb moved with him, moaning and holding onto Chris’s hair, back, shoulders and anything else he could get his hands on as Chris found his prostate and picked up the rhythm. 

Chris was close, and he could tell Sebastian was too, so Chris started working Seb’s cock with his hand. A few thrusts later, Sebastian’s expression turned completely blissed out as he came while his lips cried out Chris’s name. Chris followed after, grunting Sebastian’s name and collapsing on top of him.

Chris gathered his wits long enough to clean himself and Sebastian up, get them both under the covers and cuddle up before falling asleep.

The first thing Chris registered the next morning was the weight on top of him. Seb had one arm around Chris’s torso and his head was resting on Chris’s shoulder. Chris would’ve stayed a perfect statue if it had meant not waking Sebastian up, but there was no need for it.

“Morning,” Sebastian said, voice sleepy and soft.

“Hey,” Chris said back.

“So… yesterday. We should talk about it, right?”

There was something unsettling about not being able to see Sebastian’s face, but Chris figured Sebastian preferred it by the way he kept his hold on Chris firm, so Chris decided to go along with it.

“I like you, Seb. I liked you when we first met, and every time since then.” Chris also decided to be perfectly honest and blunt.

“Really?” and Sebastian was shocked enough to lift his head up to look at Chris.

“Yes,” Chris answered, looking back at Seb’s eyes.

After some quick deliberation, Sebastian settled back on Chris’s arms and declared, “I like you too.”

“Good.”

Later, Chris learned a few things. Sebastian had been attracted to the Chris he’d seen in movies before they even met. Apparently, his red shirt in _Cellular_ was “iconic.” Sebastian _had_ wanted to leave with Chris that first time. So much so that he’d ended things with the guy he was with at the time. Sebastian had assumed Chris wasn’t into men, which made him think of that night they met as a dirty secret. Chris had to admit that was a fair assumption, because while he could be a closeted case (and he was, in a sense, because the world expected him to be heterosexual so not saying he was bisexual made him a closet case by omission), he’d only ever been with _and_ talked about women in Seb’s presence.

They continued untangling their history, together and apart, and a month later, dating was a thing they were doing. Successfully too, but away from curious eyes—they weren’t ready to have the public judging just yet. 

It didn’t stop Chris from teasingly inviting Seb to “get outta here” when Stucky was brought up during a fan convention. It was, after all, Chris’s natural response to having Sebastian around him. Trying to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is here! Hope you all enjoyed it :)
> 
> I _might_ write a chapter to see things from Seb's POV, but since I can't assure you I will, I rather not promise anything.
> 
> Let me say that writing smut, or at least trying to, and actually posting it is hard (no pun intended) so I hope it didn't come out (seriously, no pun intended) too terrible.


	8. Media Links

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Media links from _On the Cusp of Trying to Kiss You_ or, if you prefer, _receipts_.  
>  If you have any questions, please ask, it's no trouble!  
> Also available at [StuckyFiction on Tumblr](http://stuckyfiction.tumblr.com/post/149239366752/media-links-from-on-the-cusp-of-trying-to-kiss-you).

**"2011"**

[Chris] had someone all wrapped around him, they were about to leave, and she was doing a great job at getting Chris all worked up. As soon as he noticed Sebastian, though, everything else faded away. [They hugged](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdvuFKF2Ew4&feature=youtu.be&t=9s), just to say goodbye. If Chris was a bit more affectionate than the occasion would merit, if his first impulse was to plant one on him, which turned into an awkward kiss on the cheek, well, there was no proof of it.

(...)

He couldn’t help himself, honesty sometimes made an appearance in a day full of inane interviews. So when asked about how hot his co-star was, Chris thought of Sebastian. [And said as much](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xePNz0dO6eM&feature=youtu.be&t=2m30s). But he went over it a lot afterwards, and concluded it wasn’t a big deal. First, it was the honest truth, and second, it had totally played like he’d been kidding. Chris figured it would slip under the radar because nobody was going to dwell on a joke.

**"2013"**

Seb hadn’t been [to Comic-Con] before, and he looked positively amazed at everything going on around him. He also looked a bit nervous, so Chris tried to be supportive, [patting him on the back](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBmVYjA3Jyk&feature=youtu.be&t=2m30s) before the panel and [making him laugh](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMiMrrM1gD8&feature=youtu.be&t=38s) as much as possible during signings. Like any good friend would.

**"2014"**

Chris had, in the past, referred to Sebastian as “[the sweetest kid on the planet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsC7ZsQT7xg&feature=youtu.be&t=22m28s).” It’s no surprise that, when asked to say a few words about his co-star, he repeated a version of that. If only he’d stopped there…

“[I wish you guys could know Sebastian](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gBYD2DGl4I).” _Who_ says that? An idiot with a crush. That’s who.

As if Chris hadn’t been obvious enough in London! They’d seen each other a few days before that, [there was no excuse for him to act so damn fond](https://vimeo.com/90215004): getting all lovey-dovey at the mere sight of Sebastian, embracing him like he was holding the most precious thing in the world (which, maybe, deep down, he felt he was—and Chris knew that train of thought was trouble, thank you very much), being amused at Seb’s laughter...

(...)

Yes, Chris had decided to call his attraction and feelings towards Sebastian “a crush.” As in high school, but on his 30s. [He’d hijacked Seb’s question at the press conference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_syyjJ5Vkow&feature=youtu.be&t=21m58s), for fuck’s sake, which was basically trying to get someone’s attention-slash-flirt with someone in Hollywood language.

(...)

He’d seen Sebastian exactly two days ago in New York, and he already felt like he was having withdrawals. Seb had been _so_ excited [ringing the bell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVuAgPvHmEg), though, you couldn’t really blame Chris for it.

**"2015"**

Seb was particularly stoked at [the first scene they did](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hN4jShm44Y&feature=youtu.be&t=26m11s) because the whole sequence was done in one shot, and he loved that.

(...)

[A group of them were out](https://www.tumblr.com/edit/me-and-my-fandom.tumblr.com/post/127030621410/i-saw-them-today-couldnt-stop-crying) for drinks in Germany, and Sebastian was wearing sweatpants and a shirt with a hole, and Chris couldn’t take his eyes off him.

(...)

Chris got a break from being sexually frustrated by Sebastian in the form of attending Comic Con, promoting _Ultron_ , and going to D23 with Mackie. Yeah, he got no break from Mackie, who wasn’t letting go the whole [Chris-wants-some-Romanian](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KiD1hrXHHU&feature=youtu.be&t=1m9s) thing. Chris was not helping matters by [waxing poetic about how “phenomenal” Sebastian was](https://youtu.be/4KiD1hrXHHU?t=2m26s), and [referring to Bucky as Steve’s “little nugget.”](https://youtu.be/4KiD1hrXHHU?t=1m40s) And _that_ was a thing now, [people were asking more and more about Steve and Bucky’s relationship](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux7AZrYUiuo&feature=youtu.be&t=36s), and Chris couldn’t help but feel that it was his crush on Sebastian that people were reading into.

Different TV crews came to set for interviews, and it went _mostly_ fine. It would’ve been _totally_ fine if it‘d been anyone _but_ Sebastian sitting beside Chris for [this one particular interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jgdlu7XfwbE&feature=youtu.be&t=2m1s). But Seb _was_ there, and Chris talked about having food poisoning, which Seb was surely going to be charmed by, and not ruining the superhero façade by doing some horrible thing in his private life, which prompted him to look at Sebastian like an obvious meatball.

**"2016"**

It was interesting to discover yet another side of Sebastian, who behaved like the dorkiest person in the planet with the press but acted completely at ease around fans. One moment [he was on TV talking about lube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0q2lSVVhAs&feature=youtu.be&t=32s) helping him get inside places, and the next [he was nowhere to be found on the stage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsNjxwBdHM&feature=youtu.be&t=28m35s) in favor of spending time with the fans.

(...)

The Stucky trend was in full force, and Chris was almost relieved to know that it wasn’t a consequence of [his incessant gazing at Sebastian](http://www.flickeringmyth.com/2016/05/is-captain-america-in-love-with-bucky-barnes-chris-evans-clears-up-steve-rogers-sexuality/), at least not entirely. The text supported that reading of the story, [the Russos were even referring to it as a “love story,”](http://www.empireonline.com/people/scarlett-johansson/captain-america-civil-war-love-story-says-joe-russo/) and Chris was okay with it because [Steve’s relationship with Bucky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7-ti7DbI0w&feature=youtu.be&t=3m40s) _was_ [his favorite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqfAL9oCCyc&feature=youtu.be&t=20m37s). [Mackie and Downey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqfAL9oCCyc&feature=youtu.be&t=19m12s), and even [Paul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTqkoFF3fJI&feature=youtu.be&t=1m22s), were delighted every and any time that relationship was brought up, but in a way that made Chris believe they were actually thinking of him and Sebastian instead of their characters.

In that regard, since his cast mates seemed to have figured him out, it was good that Chris had set himself a deadline; but, in reality, it only helped to make him more of a nervous mess than usual. It started before the press tour madness began, with [Chris half mentioning how he liked men’s privates to be groomed](https://soundcloud.com/annfarisisunqualified/ep-21-chris-evans-and-jenny), and it only got worse from there. [Chris freaked out over a tiny spider crawling Seb’s leg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdjjwvzEGGk&feature=youtu.be&t=8m53s), [tried to defuse the tension only he could feel after getting rid of a hair on Seb’s face by claiming it was just “friendship,”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqfAL9oCCyc&feature=youtu.be&t=19m37s) [referred to Cap’s costume as “the navy number,”](https://youtu.be/3UeI_F73P7M?t=3m27s) [behaved like a possessive weirdo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GEHqnVEGz8&feature=youtu.be&t=36m3s), [agreed to Sebastian blowing him even though it hadn’t been Seb offering](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-md3lKxvX4&feature=youtu.be&t=28s), and [showed an overall lack of chill whenever Sebastian was in close proximity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MTbJzBzuVc&feature=youtu.be&t=26m57s).

(...)

[It didn’t stop Chris from teasingly inviting Seb to “get outta here” when Stucky was brought up during a fan convention](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfpun1GfrMU&feature=youtu.be). It was, after all, Chris’s natural response to having Sebastian around him. Trying to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna apologize for writing this because Evanstan made me do it.
> 
> I gotta check to tell you for sure, but pretty much every media-related moment mentioned throughout the fic actually happened. I just chose to interpret it the Evanstan way, which, LBR, is also the right way. ~~I might compile the links and put them up at some point, if anyone's interested.~~ ETA: someone was interested, so [here they are](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7207523/chapters/17857480) ([also @ Tumblr](http://stuckyfiction.tumblr.com/post/149239366752/media-links-from-on-the-cusp-of-trying-to-kiss-you)).
> 
> Title is from "Do I Wanna Know?" by Arctic Monkeys.
> 
> [Read here at Tumblr](http://stuckyfiction.tumblr.com/tagged/Fic%3A-On-the-Cusp-of-Trying-to-Kiss-You/chrono).


End file.
